Both. I hope this blog makes clear that I am looking for new perspectives in life (and of Pakistan). Ramazan, and more accurately Islamic fasting, has been about experiencing life in a different way. The spiritual or religious aspect of this experience will not be apparent at first glance for any of us.
I will define "Islamic fasting" as the self-denial of all nutrients, flavourings, and water between the prayer before dawn and the prayer after dusk, as well as abstinence from personal vices. My participation in this pillar of Islam during Ramazan was really limited to Islamic fasting - even though 5x daily prayer, reading of the entire Qur'an, and participation in evening celebrations are part and parcel of this period of the year.
I began my fasting, also called roza, on October 5th in Islamabad and finished in the evening of October 3rd in Siana. The level of difficulty and understanding varied throughout this period, on a personal basis.
The first morning, which turned out to be a day too early, started nervously. I wolfed down food and swallowed as much water as my gullet would allow. I was going to set-up my body to run from precisely 4:30am to 6:00pm without sustainence. Boy, I felt like spewing the contents of my belly for the first few days before I realized I really didn't need to eat this much for 13.5 hours of self-denial (but it certainly took my mind off desiring food for the first three hours).
Did I miss food or water more? It's hard to say. I did feel light-headed at times and lethargic without provokation - but I didn't have particular pangs for either water or food. I desired consumption in general; I wanted that quick sugar-level rise from cookies or juice.
I did grow irritable and anxious from the lack of these creature comforts of readily available treats. During the beginning, I drew strength from visualizing my participation in this time-honored tradition of Islam with brothers and sisters across the globe. The novelty of this vision wore off after the first week for me, and at day 10 with the earthquake and everything else I felt the distinct urge to quit. However, I've always been a stubborn mule.
I tried not to draw attention to my participation and carried on my work as people ate and drank around me. I shared that I was fasting only if people asked directly and persistently (supposedly taking the humble route). However, this honestly made the experience more taxing because only the staff at my house shared my experience, and I couldn't joke or talk about the experience without feeling like I was drawing attention to myself.
The second two weeks were easier than the first, for me. The "jet lag" of waking at 4:00am and returning to bed after eating wore off eventually. News started to spread at school that I was fasting so I talked to fellow fasters. I learned more about the ancillary events that occur in the evenings [apparently the odd evenings for the last 10 days have special meaning]. My daily energy levels hit a regular low plateau or smooth stroll downwards without the desparate needs to consume or occupy my attention; or maybe my brain just idled. I also gave up my stringent timings of 4:30am to 6:00pm and listened to the morning and evening call to prayer, or azan, which is normally preceded in Islamabad by a siren.
How well did I do? Twice I went about 22 hours without food and once without drink because I didn't get up before 4:30am; these days weren't really that bad. Nor was it very difficult to wait to 7 or 8pm to break my fast. So, fasting was okay physically - but let's face the fact that fasting should also teach individuals about poverty, and I never really set myself up for poverty during this period. No, the mental game of fasting was the challenge for me. I have found it difficult to adjust to moving overseas and other subsequent events, and fasting made my inadequacies (i.e. lack of perceived support network) more apparent.
What did I get out of Islamic fasting, besides the self-righteous notion that I can do it? I still work through my revelations of this time period. I did not feel the sense of mental and physical renewal, but that can largely be attributable to the lack of the other four important pillars of Islam. I will put forward that it makes one more conscious of our world, and hopefully of a higher power; as is typical of stepping outside of one's comfort zone. I got to step into a common pair of shoes worn by hundreds of millions of people - but each with their own individual flairs. However, this is a near-permanent lifestyle for a similar number of poor people around the world.
Maybe you'll share your thoughts under the comments button below.
Links on physical aspects of fasting:
Medical aspects of Islamic fasting
Some health guidelines for Ramadhaan
If you feel the urge to fast, keep it short
Psychology Today: chemistry & craving
Studies on Islamic fasting
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