Why I am not a Muslim

I have studied Islam for a short but intense period of time. Two weeks of the intensive teachers’ institute at Dar al Islam (Abiqui, NM) and three weeks of informal study at Dar al Mustafa and Badr Language Institute (Tarim, YEMEN) have taught me a great deal about the theory and reality of Islam. I had previously read the Qur’an completely (but it was a poor translation) and then had numerous opportunities to ask questions of scholars, students, university lecturers, spiritual leaders, and common folk over these periods and my brief five months in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan. However, I am not an expert on Islam and probably have not come to a lifelong conclusion on the following statements.

Islam is a religion of peace and self-discipline. It holds a strong chain of transmission, which means that despite documentation the traditions of Islam continue to be passed forward by direct guidance and the teachings of scholars (Dar al Mustapha is an excellent example). I think it teaches harmony inside and outside, as inward reflection and character as well as outward interactions and behavior. 10,000 hadiths, or narrations about the Prophet Muhammad, structure so many aspects of life (Muslims think it completely defines life, and I imagine they’re not far off): sleeping, praying, buying and selling, etiquette, inheritance, how to earn blessings, etc. This structure defines roles for men and women, elders and youth, and more that provide for order – but many Americans will chafe at the lack of some freedoms – and the constant integration of ‘intentions’ ensure that these are not empty guidelines. Many of these practices have even found to be mentally and physically beneficial.

I’ve been called an Islamist – a non-Muslim lover of Islam. I’m surely biased on the matter of Islam with a strong background here but a weak background in other religions.

However, I am not a Muslim. Though tempted strongly, I have not taken the Shahadah (Islamic oath, if you will) by stating with my heart that, "There is no god but God and the Prophet Muhammad is his Messenger" or "Illal…" Here is my irrational rational:

God is everything tangible and intangible; essentially everything we can and cannot experience is part of God, in my view. My definition lacks many details but sees God in everything, everyone, etc. – so a monotheistic religion of all things united under one God is fine with me.

The second half of this ‘oath’ and the view of the Qur’an as a holy text give me difficulty. I like the authenticity that the Qur’an holds as an unchanged document but this holds historical meaning and not religious significance to me. I view the prophetic character and message on level with that of modern enlightened individuals; if the content is in harmony with my view of the world, then it’s just as valid to me.

My challenges to Islam are not particular to Islam, which I view as a positive religion (but Muslims make human mistakes along this road). Religion itself seems to be beyond me. Religions ask believers to accept their axioms and practices, both unexplained and logical. Dogma is too sinister a word for me, because even Islam has a living scholarship and flexibility, but it holds the emotional punch of why I fear blindly falling into any religion.

Is a religion bad, or are illogical beliefs and practices necessarily negative? No. In fact, I support religion for a couple of important reasons. First, they provide hope and meaning in a tough life. People find purpose to their lives thanks to religion and people focus on positive contributions to the world thanks to ideas like an afterlife and reincarnation. Second, it has recently become clearer to me here that the beliefs and practices of religions are like poetry. It seems like just words and nonsense (illogical matrix) at first glance. Recitation and reflection or other study of the content, however, often lead individuals to make their own personal connections, to define their own logical reasons for these elements of religion from the ‘nonsense.’

I choose a different pathway than Islam - but certainly I have and will gain important lessons from this body of knowledge and tradition.